The Girl from Yesterday
The Eagles
It wasn't really sad the way they said good-bye
Or maybe it just hurt so bad she couldn't cry
He packed his things, walked out the door and drove away
And she became the girl from yesterday
He took a plane across the sea
To some foreign land
She stayed at home and tried so hard to understand
How someone who had been so close could be so far away
And she became the girl from yesterday
She doesn't know what's right
She doesn't know what's wrong
She only knows the pain that comes from waiting for so long
And she doesn't count the teardrops
That she's cried while he's away
Because she knows deep in her heart
That he'll be back someday
The light's on in the window; she's waiting by the phone
Talking to a memory that's never coming home
She dreams of his returning and the things that he might say
But she'll always be the girl from yesterday
Yeh, she'll always be the girl from yesterday
Sunday 30 March 2008
Friday 28 March 2008
Charm's Anatomy.
Women, stop complaining -
men get pregnant too.
So this morning, we had this big argument at our office desks over whether he had nipples or not, and the difference between a masectomy and hysterectomy (I swear this is not even a bio thing). Anyway, I'm wondering why men have nipples, really, if they don't have active mammary glands.
On a second and almost irrrelevant note, I think I'm kind of horny.
But to quickly salvage my reputation as a refined and demure person, here's a lovely poem that's been haunting my soul. A song for my patriot's heart, my student's soul, and my lover's longing.
If Hands Could Set You Free, Heart
By Philip Larkin
If hands could set you free, heart
Where would you fly?
Far, beyond every part
Of the earth this running sky
Makes desolate? Would you cross
City and hill and sea,
If hands could set you free?
I would not lift the latch,
For I could run
Through fields, pit-valleys, and catch
All the beauty under the sun
Still end in loss:
I should find no bent arm, no bed
To rest my head.
men get pregnant too.
So this morning, we had this big argument at our office desks over whether he had nipples or not, and the difference between a masectomy and hysterectomy (I swear this is not even a bio thing). Anyway, I'm wondering why men have nipples, really, if they don't have active mammary glands.
On a second and almost irrrelevant note, I think I'm kind of horny.
But to quickly salvage my reputation as a refined and demure person, here's a lovely poem that's been haunting my soul. A song for my patriot's heart, my student's soul, and my lover's longing.
If Hands Could Set You Free, Heart
By Philip Larkin
If hands could set you free, heart
Where would you fly?
Far, beyond every part
Of the earth this running sky
Makes desolate? Would you cross
City and hill and sea,
If hands could set you free?
I would not lift the latch,
For I could run
Through fields, pit-valleys, and catch
All the beauty under the sun
Still end in loss:
I should find no bent arm, no bed
To rest my head.
Tuesday 25 March 2008
On Lawyering, Intelligence, and Quitting Art School
I met Ben, who used to be provide random debate coaching support back when I was an itty bitty debater in yellow, at Drew&Napier! But then again, considering how much of the debating population graduates into the legal service - probably not another Act of God.
Increasingly, I'm feeling like lawyering isn't too different from debating - the knowing that victory may be divorced from truth. Distance from my mentor (I've been outsourced to other lawyers!), whose discipline pervades space like a glowing halo, makes me feel that this industry is dark. Everybody somewhat lies, and the side that presents itself best wins. I felt that a little too strongly for comfort at the High Courts today, and it makes me wonder if Justice belongs to this world. I vow never to flex my intellectual muscles with ill intent.
Many of us from this educational and social circle, myself included and especially, graduated to find that our "grades and intelligence were secondary" in the real world. But in the courts today, Philip Jeyaratnam (double firsts from Cambridge) and his team of elite lawyers, together with pedigree Mr Ong Tze Boon, cross-examined a team of (poly graduate) designers, who paled in every aspect of analysis, eloquence and sharpness. It was very obvious that intelligence mattered. Very much. I believe the reason why so many of us fresh graduates were so impressed is because we did not realise just how small a minority we are. And since we were being shown a culture vastly different from our experience, the shocking contrast made us give too much focus to it. The world is made up of intelligent and not-so-intelligent people, I know now. And both have their places in the world.
Lim Tzu, a woman who retired to smell the flowers, asked me today after class why I wasn't going to pursue literature, film, theatre, art (I think she meant the Arts in general) further. After two lessons, she already found it strange (as everyone else has) that I proclaimed my plans to study Law so firmly. I swear I never told her about my Arts-Law dilemma - I guess I'm just too readable. I found that I no longer needed to scour for an answer. I will enjoy studying law. As my mentor puts it, Law is no rocket science, but it does require a specific disposition. I have that disposition. I suppose I am multi-talented :P
Sometimes I find it easier to pretend to be a struggling, suffering artist oppressed by social expectations, and wail that my parents would kick me out of the house if I choose to pursue Art instead. I still suspect my parents will not disappoint, but I know now that isn't my reason. But it is difficult to explain to someone that you also enjoy academic rigour and professional discipline. It will be tedious and trying sometimes, I have no doubt, but any self-respecting artist will tell you that Art (in fact, any other profession) is no bed of roses either.
Contrary to all expectations, I am now more sure than ever that I will always write and make art. Turning away from formal art education is not synonymous to turning away from art. I agree that for the artistic talent to be nurtured, it requires study, and there are great benefits to be reaped from an education in Tisch or Goldsmith etc. But to flourish, all it needs is dedication - in leaving school, leaving the co-erced discipline of formal (art) education, I have found that the very way I live is already inextricable from Art. I am practicing every single day of my life. And it helps that the increasing number of intensive, professional courses now available to the public keep me on my toes until I can find time to put on my mortar hat and lock myself up in a garret.
But I know one thing for certain - I will enjoy my life.
Increasingly, I'm feeling like lawyering isn't too different from debating - the knowing that victory may be divorced from truth. Distance from my mentor (I've been outsourced to other lawyers!), whose discipline pervades space like a glowing halo, makes me feel that this industry is dark. Everybody somewhat lies, and the side that presents itself best wins. I felt that a little too strongly for comfort at the High Courts today, and it makes me wonder if Justice belongs to this world. I vow never to flex my intellectual muscles with ill intent.
Many of us from this educational and social circle, myself included and especially, graduated to find that our "grades and intelligence were secondary" in the real world. But in the courts today, Philip Jeyaratnam (double firsts from Cambridge) and his team of elite lawyers, together with pedigree Mr Ong Tze Boon, cross-examined a team of (poly graduate) designers, who paled in every aspect of analysis, eloquence and sharpness. It was very obvious that intelligence mattered. Very much. I believe the reason why so many of us fresh graduates were so impressed is because we did not realise just how small a minority we are. And since we were being shown a culture vastly different from our experience, the shocking contrast made us give too much focus to it. The world is made up of intelligent and not-so-intelligent people, I know now. And both have their places in the world.
Lim Tzu, a woman who retired to smell the flowers, asked me today after class why I wasn't going to pursue literature, film, theatre, art (I think she meant the Arts in general) further. After two lessons, she already found it strange (as everyone else has) that I proclaimed my plans to study Law so firmly. I swear I never told her about my Arts-Law dilemma - I guess I'm just too readable. I found that I no longer needed to scour for an answer. I will enjoy studying law. As my mentor puts it, Law is no rocket science, but it does require a specific disposition. I have that disposition. I suppose I am multi-talented :P
Sometimes I find it easier to pretend to be a struggling, suffering artist oppressed by social expectations, and wail that my parents would kick me out of the house if I choose to pursue Art instead. I still suspect my parents will not disappoint, but I know now that isn't my reason. But it is difficult to explain to someone that you also enjoy academic rigour and professional discipline. It will be tedious and trying sometimes, I have no doubt, but any self-respecting artist will tell you that Art (in fact, any other profession) is no bed of roses either.
Contrary to all expectations, I am now more sure than ever that I will always write and make art. Turning away from formal art education is not synonymous to turning away from art. I agree that for the artistic talent to be nurtured, it requires study, and there are great benefits to be reaped from an education in Tisch or Goldsmith etc. But to flourish, all it needs is dedication - in leaving school, leaving the co-erced discipline of formal (art) education, I have found that the very way I live is already inextricable from Art. I am practicing every single day of my life. And it helps that the increasing number of intensive, professional courses now available to the public keep me on my toes until I can find time to put on my mortar hat and lock myself up in a garret.
But I know one thing for certain - I will enjoy my life.
Wednesday 19 March 2008
Friendship Charm
I have a little Star of David crystal pendant that my parents bought from a fortune teller when I was a little girl. Although I know that the fortune teller's words should have been etched dramatically in my young, virgin mind, I forgot just about everything the fortune teller said. But I do remember the significance of the pendant - my mom told me to try not to take it off because it would help my "destiny" and keep the people I love close. I remember it because I found it amusing and frightening all at once at the possibility that I could lose those I loved, and that pretty little thing no larger than a dollar coin could change that all.
Now I am growing up, and my life is changing. I have loved and lost, and I'm starting to think that it is a pretty good time to put that pendant back on, just to remember all the wonderful people who have touched my life. But I have no necklace to wear it - it hangs now from a rather dirty and obtrusive leather strap which makes it difficult to wear. I was shopping around for a thin, unassuming chain for it when I thought perhaps, the charm might just work a bit better if it was completed with a gift from someone it was supposed to help me keep. And if magic happens, I'd love if you love me in this way that will help me love you.
(:
Now I am growing up, and my life is changing. I have loved and lost, and I'm starting to think that it is a pretty good time to put that pendant back on, just to remember all the wonderful people who have touched my life. But I have no necklace to wear it - it hangs now from a rather dirty and obtrusive leather strap which makes it difficult to wear. I was shopping around for a thin, unassuming chain for it when I thought perhaps, the charm might just work a bit better if it was completed with a gift from someone it was supposed to help me keep. And if magic happens, I'd love if you love me in this way that will help me love you.
(:
In the last two weeks
the Chinese, Tibetans, and the rest of the world have started fighting (again), the Dalai Lama has offered to resign, Kosovo gained some new dead, Mas Selamat has become gaunt and berry-eating, Ong & Ong Pte Ltd launched suit against a team of designers, someone in the company got married on a boat, Gaby returned from Guangzhou, Eleen turned nineteen, and I'm half way through my Drew&Napier internship.
Tuesday 18 March 2008
Saturday 15 March 2008
On Love.
Funny how my heart always breaks before it even allows itself to show its existence. I feel like running away to the other side of the Sun.
The Other Side of the Sun
Leaving on a boat
For beyond the other
side of the ocean
I’ll bet you in the morning
You won’t even know I’m gone
Tired of living here
In the middle of a mixed emotion
I might as well be living
On the other side of the sun.
Leaving with the feeling
I don’t know how I’m dealing
With loving you
Though once I knew
The special way
And what to do
To make you stay
Forever and ever
Even as I’m leaving
I’ll never stop believing
You are the one
Who can make me laugh
And can bring me back
From beyond the other
side of the sun.
Rolling down the river
I hope I can deliver the morning
Wishing on a star
For the sun to come out and play
Funny, when it’s over
You really don’t
remember the warnings
You might as well be living
Out beyond the Milky Way
(Forever and ever)
Leaving with the feeling
I don’t know how I’m dealing
With loving you
Though once I knew
The special way
And what to do
To make you stay
Forever and ever
Even as I’m leaving
I’ll never stop believing
You are the one
Who can make me laugh
And can bring me back
From beyond the other
side of the sun.
The Other Side of the Sun
Leaving on a boat
For beyond the other
side of the ocean
I’ll bet you in the morning
You won’t even know I’m gone
Tired of living here
In the middle of a mixed emotion
I might as well be living
On the other side of the sun.
Leaving with the feeling
I don’t know how I’m dealing
With loving you
Though once I knew
The special way
And what to do
To make you stay
Forever and ever
Even as I’m leaving
I’ll never stop believing
You are the one
Who can make me laugh
And can bring me back
From beyond the other
side of the sun.
Rolling down the river
I hope I can deliver the morning
Wishing on a star
For the sun to come out and play
Funny, when it’s over
You really don’t
remember the warnings
You might as well be living
Out beyond the Milky Way
(Forever and ever)
Leaving with the feeling
I don’t know how I’m dealing
With loving you
Though once I knew
The special way
And what to do
To make you stay
Forever and ever
Even as I’m leaving
I’ll never stop believing
You are the one
Who can make me laugh
And can bring me back
From beyond the other
side of the sun.
Wednesday 12 March 2008
On flaws.
I am an excruciatingly jealous and possessive person. I know I have always been, and I will continue to actively prevent my flaws from manifesting themselves. But every once in a while, like today, I feel positively ashamed of myself.
I think it's because I'm insecure. I can't imagine why anyone would choose me, over all the other wonderful people in the world. And I think that stops me from telling you how I think I'm falling (just a little bit) in love with wonderful you.
I think it's because I'm insecure. I can't imagine why anyone would choose me, over all the other wonderful people in the world. And I think that stops me from telling you how I think I'm falling (just a little bit) in love with wonderful you.
Tuesday 11 March 2008
On Love and Weekends.
If you are not too long, I will wait all my life for you. - Oscar Wilde.
The last weekend came and disappeared in a whirl and felt much shorter than their collective 72 hours. But I think they've provided more memories than a whole week in the office has.
We watched The Leap Year, which, in my opinion, marks the arrival of our local film industry. It was a simple case of storytelling, which is the most complex thing any film can do, set in a country no one can deny, after watching it, is beautiful. It never once did have to bring up the fact that it was local, which made it all the more closer to the heart. I was all prepared to put my reviewing skills to test and write a couple of movie reviews, but Yunsong spoilt it all (not in a bad way, I think) - thanks to him, The Leap Year will always mean more than just a movie to me. He said Li-Ann was exactly like me, and I had the strange feeling that he was (had been) watching me. It wasn't just the personality, it was the look in our eyes when we were thinking, the way we pulled back our hair. I didn't even know I had the habit of pulling back my hair. I know that in that situation, I would've done everything Li-Ann did - we even like the same things, but I am not sure I could hold a candle to that beautiful character on screen. I am real, with a real life, which has real consequences. I think that frightened me a little - his observing me frightened me a little. To find out how someone views you is always surreal. I think I was flattered, but I'm not sure if he's right.
Maybe one day, I will take the leap. Maybe, one day.
We watched Juno on Saturday, after tau hway at the Selegie shop that felt like life. I think I loved the way the weekend passed. The two stories, I think, remedied my aversion to love stories just a little. I found out that I no longer felt the urge to turn off the screen, or walk away. Maybe this means my broken heart is healing. Maybe.
One day, when the right person comes along, I will finally fall completely and truly in love, and my heart will be ready for it. I know it.
Thursday 6 March 2008
Raffles Place Kindness
Being the wonderfully Romantic person that I am, I was, as usual, caught in the rain without an umbrella on my way to work. So I was ready to admit to the elements, and stood tall in the rain, feeling rather sad and stupid.
Without notice, a red umbrella popped over my head, and the young man holding it made an introductory sound that sounded like "Sorry".
I thanked him, out of surprise or gratitude I still don't really know. We stood in silence, with me occassionally stealing glances at him. We walked about 100 m to the underpass, during which he meticulously tried to keep me under the umbrella (at his expense I suspect).
I was determined not to let this nugget of humanity slip away, so as we parted, I asked for his name - Roystan. And then I walked away, not knowing what else to do.
(I am sitting in the office in a red, cotton dress with no sleeves and a short, crumpled skirt. I am me, without the armour of black-and-white. I was me as I put in on this morning, singing. I was me as I made my way here, smiling at the buildings and the sunrise. But I do not know if I can be me, when I sit next to my mentors in the board room with the clients, in my red, cotton, crumpled dress.)
Without notice, a red umbrella popped over my head, and the young man holding it made an introductory sound that sounded like "Sorry".
I thanked him, out of surprise or gratitude I still don't really know. We stood in silence, with me occassionally stealing glances at him. We walked about 100 m to the underpass, during which he meticulously tried to keep me under the umbrella (at his expense I suspect).
I was determined not to let this nugget of humanity slip away, so as we parted, I asked for his name - Roystan. And then I walked away, not knowing what else to do.
(I am sitting in the office in a red, cotton dress with no sleeves and a short, crumpled skirt. I am me, without the armour of black-and-white. I was me as I put in on this morning, singing. I was me as I made my way here, smiling at the buildings and the sunrise. But I do not know if I can be me, when I sit next to my mentors in the board room with the clients, in my red, cotton, crumpled dress.)
Wednesday 5 March 2008
Office amusement
So I got to wear a power suit to work today, but my aesthetic spirit was reined in by the black-and-white dress code. It feels vaguely powerful, although I am certain the only person affected by my new-wardrobe-aura is myself. I've also realised that power suits, with their unfamiliar waist-clinching skirts, can be rather flattering when not made by school tailors who think boys and girls should look the same, when not yellow or brown, and most importantly, when not picked by blind and unfortunately very tall teammates who think that people generally come in the standard lengths. I got to wear my spankin' new suit (although the jacket was borrowed) for a grand total of 1 hour, broken down as such: 30 minutes - bus ride to Raffles place, 6 minutes - taxi ride to the Supreme courts, 11 minutes - climbing a lot of stairs and getting a bit lost, 7 minutes - pre-trial conference with the judge, 5 minutes - taxi ride back to the office. I suppose I will have just have to find more excuses to visit the pantry and the loo for the rest of the day for excuses to parade my spankin' new suit.
Monday 3 March 2008
I met lawyers!
Reflections on the working world (argumentative)
First day at Drew&Napier - rewarding. Mingyee, Genie, Steven, Sakshi and myself make five interns, each of us probably thankful in some small way not to be the only intern.
There are files and boxes and envelopes stacked on every conceivable surface. People marched through the fortress of information, armed with weapons of logic and intellectual muscles. I was Senhor Jose (All the Names, Jose Saramego), walking through rows and rows of words, each connected to a history, a story. The library was a beautiful shade of green and mahogany, with windows that let in a strange brown light. It was the smell of leatherbound books and paper, and I loved it even as I didn't understand how to use the periodicals, journals and nameless books.
The workspaces did surprise though, my computer is actually a cube - I haven't seen a computer without a flat LCD/Plasma monitor in eons, I think. The mouse has no scrolly thing either, which annoys me. And our desks are falling apart under the weight of dust. It was very exciting, really. And we didn't help the crawling internet by sending tons of emails to each other over the slightest discovery.
No Danny Crane/ Alan shore moments, as we were duly warned, not even Ally Mcbeal or even Elle Woods moments. I spent most of my day reading old law textbooks and doing a bit of research for my mentor. But I enjoyed it all the same. Check back again in 10 years, maybe I'll have a different opinion on critical thinking and investigative research.
But that's unlikely, I think.
First day at Drew&Napier - rewarding. Mingyee, Genie, Steven, Sakshi and myself make five interns, each of us probably thankful in some small way not to be the only intern.
There are files and boxes and envelopes stacked on every conceivable surface. People marched through the fortress of information, armed with weapons of logic and intellectual muscles. I was Senhor Jose (All the Names, Jose Saramego), walking through rows and rows of words, each connected to a history, a story. The library was a beautiful shade of green and mahogany, with windows that let in a strange brown light. It was the smell of leatherbound books and paper, and I loved it even as I didn't understand how to use the periodicals, journals and nameless books.
The workspaces did surprise though, my computer is actually a cube - I haven't seen a computer without a flat LCD/Plasma monitor in eons, I think. The mouse has no scrolly thing either, which annoys me. And our desks are falling apart under the weight of dust. It was very exciting, really. And we didn't help the crawling internet by sending tons of emails to each other over the slightest discovery.
No Danny Crane/ Alan shore moments, as we were duly warned, not even Ally Mcbeal or even Elle Woods moments. I spent most of my day reading old law textbooks and doing a bit of research for my mentor. But I enjoyed it all the same. Check back again in 10 years, maybe I'll have a different opinion on critical thinking and investigative research.
But that's unlikely, I think.
Sunday 2 March 2008
Memories, and then some
I am leaving my life of the past two months! It was a beautiful and interesting life, but I'm sure what life has in store for me will not disappoint. Some things will continue, in spite of the change. Wednesdays at Crawford will remain, and Elise as well as the guys from the bar have joined my facebook pages. Figuratively, of course, since I do not use facebook.
This was my desk! The post-it stickers aesthetic is an office fad, honestly. Promised not to put photos of Elise on the web, so this blog shall miss her pretty face.
Last days are also great excuses for photo whoring. Even at 2 am.
Pornsing, me and Jonas! Eddy-face in the background not planned, but loved anyway. Pornsing had to be tricked into being in this photo.
Prash and me.
A gift from Prash, which I'll keep for good luck. Contains the three most important words in the world in his language (Nepalese), Han Ling Charmaine. :D
A table of boys gave me this on the last night. Sometimes, waitressing pays off. (:
Old friends with new hair :D cant wait to see everyone again.
This was my desk! The post-it stickers aesthetic is an office fad, honestly. Promised not to put photos of Elise on the web, so this blog shall miss her pretty face.
Last days are also great excuses for photo whoring. Even at 2 am.
Pornsing, me and Jonas! Eddy-face in the background not planned, but loved anyway. Pornsing had to be tricked into being in this photo.
Prash and me.
A gift from Prash, which I'll keep for good luck. Contains the three most important words in the world in his language (Nepalese), Han Ling Charmaine. :D
A table of boys gave me this on the last night. Sometimes, waitressing pays off. (:
Old friends with new hair :D cant wait to see everyone again.
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