On romance

- he enviably reminds one of Peter Pan, indulges in women, wine and song ( and I'm not even using clichés) though he has both feet planted firmly onto the ground. He's unassuming, kindhearted, intelligent, loves art, and a fantastic lover. I am continually surprised that he is actually not bad looking (he protests, he thinks he's "very hamsome"). For all of five, six (?) glorious weeks, we shared a dizzying, immediate attraction. I was growing convinced that I had tripped into something possibly, possibly special, but the circumstances are proving difficult for us to carry on. He's a decade older, and being in a relationship with a mere 19 year old is, as he expresses, absolutely unpractical. I think my heart is breaking (only just) a little. It's probably futile, and too late, to regret the investments I made (now likely lost). It would be a lie to say there were no warnings, there were plenty; still, I should be upset with his apparently false kisses, but I can't bring myself to be. How do you blame him, who dreams of a real, beautiful future? I am fine, though.
We are holding on to a kind of limbo, but I'm not sure for how much longer. I am giving him space to sort his issues out, because I think that's how he ticks. On my end, though, I am left to play the reactionary role - I must wait for his decision, which doesn't seem fair at first, but the alternative is more unfair: a relationship with an unwilling, unsure and unfulfilled party. I am being most rational, but it still hurts (only just) a little.